Gerascophobia: fear of becoming old.
I feared turning 25, to the point where anxiety would prevent me from sleeping at night.
Yes it was that serious!
When I moved to Miami a few years ago, I was always the youngest in my crew; I was the one that couldn’t attend a party because she wasn’t 21 yet. If you knew me back then, you would know that I was the life of the party and God knows what trials and tribulations I went through before finally becoming legal. Fun times, I’m telling you! But time didn’t stop there, it did what it does best, it kept on going.
As people were moving along with their journey and slowly deserting the city, I didn’t even realize that I was actually getting older too. In the glimpse of an eye, I went from being the youngest to the oldest amongst my new friends. The worst part is that I didn’t realize it when it was happening; it is scary how time flies.
To make matters worst, Facebook and other social media’s were leading me to believe that my friends from High School had surpassed me in life.
A few of them had already obtained their master degree and seemed to have a promising career ahead of them, some were in stable relationships, engaged or married. The rest were either in Europe or living their dreams by doing what they love. Well I had none of that; I did not even feel that I was becoming a woman. When I was younger, I pictured myself having a family and a career at 25. Guess what, things didn’t go as planned because that is the way life works. Now, let me assure you that I’ve accomplished a few noteworthy things. Yes my life didn’t totally suck. I traveled to Europe when I was 22; graduated with my bachelor degree at 23, found my first stable job a few months later.
I fell in love a few times and got my heart broken as many, but most importantly I had so much fun. I like to think that I‘ve lived my life up to now to its full potential. Nevertheless, as I was approaching my quarter of century, I felt that I had a hole in me that needed to be filled. I was not where I was supposed to be yet. I was craving something new and different. I was thirsty for new adventures, hungry to discover amazing things and eager to accomplish greater things. Although I really loved my friends, I was just tired of doing the same things with the same people. It can be really monotonous. At on point I even considered moving out of Miami but I was not economically ready for that. Hence, I stayed in the Sunshine State with no other choice then fight my demons and face
If there is one thing that I can proudly share with you all today it is that it’s absolutely ok not to have your life together by the time you are 25.
I’m exactly 25 and 89 days, I’ll probably be a little bit older by the time you read this but I can say today with no hesitation that I’m finally at peace with myself. To quote Marcus Cicero: “to each its own.” Indeed, everyone is different and has different paths, it took me some time to reach this level of maturity and I do not regret the time it took me to get to where I am now, I don’t regret anything.
What matters, is that I found enough strength inside of me to let go of my fears and insecurities. I learned in the process, that they can only make you stay stagnant and who doesn’t change, doesn’t evolve. I’m still not where I want to be but I’m and will get there. I promised myself, that from now on, I would relentlessly go after my wildest dreams. I really love the woman that I am becoming. I am slowly but surely finding things that are bringing me true happiness.
Yes, I’m 25 and I’m no longer ashamed to say it out loud.
It is such a beautiful age that will only last for so long. So many positive changes are happening inside of me and around me. It’s a new era in my life and I do not want to wish a few years from now that I could be 25 again. Now is the time for me to blossom. It is the time to make this quarter of my life the best one yet. So to those reading this I am telling you, it is now or never the time to make everyday worth living and also unforgettable no matter how old you are getting.
To all of you that is, have or will eventually at some point experience that fear, I’m begging you, yes begging, to vanquish it, because believe me you are one of the blessed ones if you are able to celebrate a birthday. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Cheer up; spend your time wisely and most importantly LIVE.
Featured image: Uptown Magazine
Post image: Soda Head