CULTUREEN UNEFREE WRITINGSOCI脡T脡

Beyond the dichotomy

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I聽lost my聽faith after the聽passing of聽my聽biological mother. I聽should say I聽gave up on聽attempting to聽believe in聽something that made no sense to聽me. A聽violent rupturing of聽a聽spiritual connection between two people will do that to聽you, bring you to聽a聽place you did not know was there. Despair. I聽was lost in聽a聽void of聽grief that would determine my聽actions, unbeknownst to聽me, for聽years to聽come.

I聽remember I聽was attending Quisqueya Christian School a聽the聽time and聽I聽remember telling one of聽the聽staff about my聽loss of聽Christianity and聽this woman told me I聽was going to聽hell, according to聽her belief. But, such statements had no effect on聽me. I聽was grieving. I聽was lost. I聽was deep in聽wrath at聽how the聽woman who had brought me into this world had suffered. For聽all of聽her faith and聽ritual. She was a聽mere shadow of聽what she had been when she Crossed the聽Waters.

A聽fraction of聽a聽human being. That is what I聽saw the聽day before she died. A聽fraction that tore into me, wrecking havoc on聽my聽assumptions of聽reality. It was a聽crack in聽the聽sky, the聽moment she died. I聽wanted no light and聽found solace in聽shadow. I聽wrapped my聽pain around myself, a聽cloak to聽hide the聽little boy who so desperately screamed for聽his mother.

But that is quite alright, as聽the聽subsequent years of聽my聽life would teach me valuable lessons and聽hone my聽talents and聽skills. Not without a聽price, of聽course. For聽all things have a聽price. Knowledge and聽wisdom carry a聽heavy price. For聽the聽experience necessary to聽gain the聽wisdom to聽apply the聽knowledge may very well break you. You cannot know to聽what depths the聽events of聽your life will take you until it happens. When the聽very foundation of聽your reality is blasted into sand, sinking into nothing, surprised to聽find yourself still alive, a聽little weathered.

During my聽years in聽the聽military, I聽was in聽a聽day-to-day haze. There just to聽be there, as聽they say. Towards the聽end of聽my聽time, however, I聽began to聽open my聽Eye just a聽little bit. Powerful experiences in聽the聽West, in聽the聽Fire and聽at聽the聽Edge of聽the聽Water, worked their magic in聽clearing the聽fog and聽webs of聽deliberate untruths and聽misleading assumptions. I聽removed from my聽mind the聽false dichotomies that had tortured me: black and聽white, good and聽evil, heaven or聽hell. I聽pondered beyond what I聽was told to聽be and聽what I聽was told to聽think. I聽revisited my聽pain and聽deep within the聽scar tissue I聽found slivers of聽Light.

The聽sum of聽all things and聽the聽product of聽all sums are divided within back to聽One. Everything is connected. There is no separate part. As聽we hurtle through Existence, revolving around each other and聽other entities, the聽nature of聽this life presents itself to聽us in聽All That Is. One must be willing to聽see, to聽listen, and聽to聽feel. Clear the聽seven gates and聽the聽definitions the聽we so fearfully cling to聽will slip away, insignificant in聽the聽Light of聽the聽Infinite One. There I聽found my聽comfort: that I聽was connected to聽everything and聽that all things occur for聽reasons we cannot yet comprehend. Although, that is where the聽comfort ends, for聽with greater understanding comes greater responsibility and聽the聽road ahead is obscure and聽dangerous.

When I聽could not embrace nothingness any longer, I聽researched religion. I聽was in聽search of聽ritual to聽bring some semblance of聽order to聽my聽life. What I聽discovered was that all genuine spiritual systems speak the聽same Truth. Most importantly, I聽developed the聽sneaking suspicion that atheism was part of聽an聽Occidental dichotomy with Christianity. Or, to聽be more inclusive, Abrahamic God-concepts. It is a聽response to聽the聽physical, emotional, and聽spiritual violence that Christianity has wrought on聽the聽world. For聽you cannot separate the聽institution from its history. It’s bloody history.

I聽am of聽the聽opinion that although some leave these congregations and聽fall into the聽frigid bosom of聽rationality and聽logic, they are still bound by聽the聽mental and聽emotional structures of聽those ideas they so fervently rail against. For聽example, those Ayisyen that leave the聽Catholic church 鈥 or聽any Christian church for聽that matter 鈥 because of聽a聽logical conclusion of聽atheism, but still believe that Vodou is devil worship. It’s like wanting to聽fight against and聽destroy the聽Matrix, but unwilling to聽leave the聽safety of聽the聽fetal pod. To聽grow and聽expand the聽mind requires redefinition of聽terms and聽redefinition of聽self. It can be scary, moving away from the聽comfort of聽well-worn mental paths, but if you can cast yourself into the聽vastness of聽Thought, the聽gain is exponential.

For聽myself, I聽think that the聽Universe is immense, infinite, and聽beyond our current understanding. Yet, religion is our way to聽honour that and聽live our lives in聽accordance with the聽Celestial. Religion is simply a聽set of聽rituals within a聽context of聽cultural relevance. So I聽went towards the聽one that resonated with the聽deep rhythm of聽my聽soul. I聽honour my聽Ancestors that reside beyond the聽Waters in聽Ginen, and聽I聽struggle everyday to聽live in聽accordance with Ginen. To聽be better than those that came before me, to聽be better than I聽am. I聽refuse to聽be bound by聽dusty ideas and聽constricting notions merely because I聽do not have the聽discipline to聽commit myself to聽something beyond myself, and聽yet of聽myself. Do not give in聽to聽despair and聽do not believe ideas that were forced upon you by聽others. Deep within is the聽answer. Deep in聽your mind, your emotions. Deep within your flesh lies your Ancestral memory that reverberates to聽the聽beating of聽the聽Cosmic Rhythm.

 

 

 

 

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